The real reason children have a hard time appreciating
Hi !
You may have thought, heard, or said something like this, "you're not appreciating all that I do for you" directed toward a child.
If so, you’re not alone.
Most parents feel this way at some point.
And here’s the thing: it’s not because your child is selfish, entitled, or ungrateful.
Gratitude, appreciation, impulse control, and long-term perspective all live in the prefrontal cortex—the part of the brain that helps us pause, reflect, and make thoughtful choices.
But here’s what most parents don’t realize: the prefrontal cortex is still under construction in kids
and teens.
Begins developing: around ages 3–5
Grows rapidly: during childhood and early adolescence (8–14)
Peaks: around age 11 in girls, 12 in
boys
Prunes & rewires: through the teen years
Fully matures: somewhere between ages 25–28
So there you have it.
When your child struggles to show appreciation—or to see the bigger picture—it’s not defiance.
It’s brain development.
You're welcome to set your expectations aside and shift your mindset.
It's natural at times to slip into some thoughts of fear and martyrdom when things aren't going your way and feel unappreciated.
It's also natural to feel stress about paying so much money for children's activities like sports and not seeing them appreciate it...
or "giving it their all",
leaving you wondering, "Is it all worth it?"
In my time as a soccer coach I heard something like this a few times,
"We're paying all this money for you to do this, you better start working hard."
I can tell you, your athlete will feel stress and pressure from this, even if you just think it.
As you can imagine, hearing something like that is even worse.
It sends them on the path to burnout, a topic you're going to read from me quite a bit in the upcoming weeks and months.
Here's the good news:
You can choose to shift your mindset by stimulating your own frontal lobe with some simple practices:
Meditation – calms the nervous system, boosts gray matter in the frontal lobe.
Aerobic exercise – enhances executive function and stress regulation.
Gratitude journaling – rewires attention toward what’s working, not what’s lacking.
When you practice these consistently, you shift from short-term frustration to long-term vision and...
your athlete gains
more than skills.
They build:
resiliency
confidence
physical health
life-long friends
dealing with adversity in less threatening ways
and so much more
Plus it leads to a healthier relationship between you and your child.
Ultimately, the health and well-being of your child and their success in sports and in life is directly related to how you show up for them.
So does their resiliency.
You can do it.
I believe in you.
The choice is always yours and I'm always available to support you.
Together, we can raise athletes who are not just strong in their sport, but strong for life.
