A Parenting Question I Ask Every Day
Hi !
I'll just come out and say it...
I find parenting to be challenging at times.
Each phase (infant, toddler, young childhood, preteen
and of course teen)
has it's own unique energy to it and type of exhaustion it can come with.
Each period is beautiful in its own way and all children are reflections of their most intimate caretakers and home environment...
just like you were.
With that in mind, I invite you to think about your long-term goals for your children and even for yourself.
Regarding children, I'm not writing about the goals such as wanting them to attend a prestigious university and make 6-7 figures in a well-respected field.
What I mean are goals that are more in the foundation and that will help him/her/you to
achieve those more "third dimensional" experiences.
I'll let you come up with your own, and will share some of mine I have for my preteen:
+ to feel a strong
connection with me that lasts throughout his life
+ to be self-aware and honest with himself
+ to learn to be disciplined
+ to see all people as innocent
beings, even those who trigger him, and at the same time be firm in his boundaries with others.
+ to learn to nourish his brain and regulate himself in healthy ways
I have more but to keep this newsletter shortish, I'll leave it there.
As you might fathom, parents and close family members play an
enormously massive and hugely
humongous role in the achievement of the
types of goals listed above...
and also to what a child's internal and external dialogue becomes.
Everything a parent says to their child essentially saves a file that is hard to delete into their internal hard drive.
How parents carry themselves, especially under times of stress and
feeling triggered, does the same.
Personally, I wish I would have understood this a long time ago, but also accept that's not the reality.
All I can do is to shift and
become more aware and honest with myself...
and know I have to walk the walk.
One question I often think when I'm with my son:
"Is what I'm about to say, or do, going to help him achieve those goals I have for him?"
You can ask that same question for your own personal and/or relationship
goals.
It's easier said than done, especially when you don't feel your best and there is something triggering happening.
But, if you set that intention daily, especially before
engaging with your child it makes it more likely to happen.
As a parent it's impossible to get everything right, but showing vulnerability,
apologizing, and letting your
child know you aren't perfect and are still
learning is extremely powerful after you don't react in the most enlightened
way towards your child.
Whether you
have children or not, just know you're doing great and can
still be greater.
I believe in you.
