Speaking your truth in a healthy way
Hi !
As you might know, I absolutely love a lot about sports- competing, the discipline it takes to succeed, mastering technique, and tactical battles between coaches and players.
Additionally, there are incredible social benefits and numerous studies show students who participate in sports tend
to have more academic success.
Just like anything in life, there is a shadowy side to sports, especially competitive and professional athletics.
Sometimes there is a massive imbalance
within a person that exists when they put in so much time and effort into fine-tuning their craft.
When money is involved, whether it's making it or spending it, the darker side of people tends to shine brightly.
When there is a threat to a person’s image or sense
of accomplishment, unhealthy behaviors can run amok.
A recent and very public example of this happened during the Super Bowl when Kansas City Chiefs player Travis Kelce aggressively bumped his coach and screamed in his face about a decision he clearly was upset with.
If you haven’t seen it, here it is-
There are a lot of opinions out there as to if
this is type of behavior is okay or not.
Some people believe this is "just part of the game" and emotions get high, especially during intense competition.
Yes, these things
happen, however I personally caution accepting this as normal or okay.
In my personal opinion, this is along the same lines of excuses such as:
"she was asking for it,"
"I had a bad day at work"
"I didn't know what I was doing"
Some toxic behaviors and excuses become normalized are simply not okay.
This incident was one of them, in my humble opinion.
When these things happen, there's always opportunity for people to grow and evolve.
I watched an interview with Travis Kelce where his brother, who also plays in the NFL, told him that could have been handled in a better way and the regret in Travis' face was obvious to me.
Coach Andy
Reid responded in a very neutral way and could see the deeper message in Kelce's blow-up.
Paraphrasing- he said Kelce has a need to be out on the field and to win.
In my opinion, that is exactly what Kelce's need was, how it came out was super toxic and from a wounded masculine energy.
In a nutshell, he was fearful of losing the Super Bowl and all that he would lose from not winning.
We all communicate from a wounded state at some point in our lives.
When your needs aren't being met or are under threat of not being met, it's easy to act out of intense emotion and let your ego/false-self speak on your behalf.
It's very likely you weren't taught in
school how to speak up for your needs in a calm and assertive way.
It's not easy to do, especially as an adult.
But it is completely possible.
Here's the magic formula:
"When you (do/say)___________, I feel__________. because________" (try to use an actual feeling in there like- sad, upset, frustrated, hurt, angry,
etc.)
In Travis Kelce's example, a possible alternative way to speak to his coach would be:
"Andy, when you take me out of the game I get really upset because I have
a strong desire to win and I know I am more valuable to the team when I'm on the field."
Of course that's really hard to do when you don't know how to do it.
Even if you do
know, it's difficult to do it when there's difficulty with emotional regulation, which always comes from unhealed adverse childhood experiences (ACE's).
I write about that a lot because it is the foundation to everyone's less than ideal parts of their patterns and behaviors as an adult.
That's what I help people maneuver through and conquer.
When they are willing to try, it always leads to more fulfilling relationships, more physical, emotional, and mental health, more financial abundance, and
overall- more success in all aspects of life.
If you ever want to look at working with me, here are a couple ways:
or
a
Soul Reboot Intensive to help you stop energy leaks and fill that space with new strength and confidence,
I am here to support you and help you embody the knowing that you are a powerful badass in all aspects of your life.
Please reach out to me with any questions or anything at all.
