Here's the gift your child(ren) give you...are you using it?
Hi !
Today is my son's 10th birthday and I found it fitting to write you a newsletter with the intention to help you as a parent, or
even just a human being, based on my relationship with both of my children.
I knew I wanted to be a parent very early in my life, which I assume stemmed from an unconscious desire to try to heal my own childhood wounds.
I had fantasies of how everything was going to go and how I was going to be such an awesome parent and teacher to him/her and they were going to learn so much from me, including making them world-class soccer players.
Was I ever wrong and I'm glad I learned to switch my perspective.
Both of my children
are my greatest teachers and mirrors, that show me what I need to be working on within myself.
You might feel the same, or not.
Whether you do or not, your child(ren) are your best teachers if you allow them to be.
This does not
mean let go of teaching them structure, discipline and your values, while letting them run the show at home.
Your biggest lesson comes from watching their behavior and seeing yourself in them.
It comes from observing how they behave when they become emotionally dis-regulated and how they handle stress.
How you do is is how they do it.
Your child is extremely tuned into your energy and how you feel about yourself and others, whether you verbally express it or not.
Both of my children felt/feel a lot of pressure to perform because I spent most of my life putting that pressure on myself to "succeed".
Even though I became aware of my older daughter feeling pressure from me when she was younger, I still passed on that energy to my younger son.
It is a difficult program to unwind, especially being a highly driven person coming from a highly driven family.
Balancing having expectations and structure without pressuring is a delicate quest.
Here's the one thing I learned from both of my children:
They want you to be present with them.
They give you the opportunity to remember to be mindful.
Take a moment to think about moments when they were, "acting out" or "being dramatic" or "non-compliant".
Those times very
likely happened because they felt disconnected from you because you were disconnected at some point(s) from your essence, your true self...presence...love.
Communicating with your child with a balance of mindfulness, peace, patience, non-judgement,
and firmness with boundaries, leads to the type of relationship you have with your child and determines who they eventually attract into their lives- friends and intimate partners especially.
The more you connect with them fully and eliminate distractions,
such as your phone, and are fully present with them when you're home from work (or done with work at home), the more open they will be to receiving all your lifetimes of wisdom you want to instill in them.
It's a constant work in progress and your personal
work and healing is the only way to do that.
Your children and eventually their children will thank you.
